When He speaks

It was one of those days where I just needed to be with the Lord. I wanted to open His word, take a deep breath and root deep. I needed to feel him as father and teacher. I dropped the kids off at school and ran straight to Starbucks. I had no idea that God had bigger plans. A divine appointment.

I walked into Starbucks and it was rockin. I said a quick prayer asking God to open a seat for me. I ordered my coffee and as I turned around a table opened up. I walked close and the woman sitting at the next table jumped over, "Sorry, I'm meeting a friend and this one has two seats." "No worries, I just need one, have at it!" I sat down at the table she had just vacated and thanked the Lord for his provision. Bible and notebook: check. Coffee and Danish: check. Colored pens and phone on silent: check. Lets do this. By this time, the woman's friend had arrived and they had begun a very deep and personal conversation. Trying not to eavesdrop or be distracted, I pulled out my headphones and started to scroll through music to listen to. Before I hit play, the friend said something that really resonated with me. Something along the lines of, "When God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, it wasn't to prove to God that Abraham would be faithful. God already knew he would be. It was to prove to Abraham that he would be faithful to God."(If you don't know this story, read it in Genesis 22) Don't get distracted Annie. I hit play just as a man in a suit and a young girl sat down at the table on the other side of me.

Revelation 4. Beth Moore asked me to draw out every detail of the Throne Room of God. I wonder if this is what she had in mind?

This, obviously, does not do it justice. Please stop and go read Revelation 4. See Him sitting on the throne. See the 24 elders and the 4 beasts. See the bow and the lighting surrounding the throne. Hear the thunder and the singing as they cast their crowns as His feet. See the crystal sea and the 7 lampstands. Close your eyes and feel it. Let Hebrews 4:16 fall on you, "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." In light of Revelation 4, how does the invitation to approach the Throne of God with confidence affect you? I answered that question this way: "The Throne of God is not weak. It's full of power. The things we ask of Him are not too big. Have faith in your Creator. What you ask He can do."

No sooner had the pen left paper when my mind went blank and my stomach started to twist. My heart started to race and I could feel the presence of evil. If you don't know what that feels like, thank God. If you do, then you know what I mean. I couldn't move. I prayed for God to remove the distraction. "Turn off your music Annie and listen." I turned down my music. On one side of me where two women. Deep personal conversation. Very obviously believers. On the other side, his voice sounded like fingernails on a chalkboard. Even thinking about it now brings chills. Every word out of his mouth reeked of evil. And the girl, she was eating it up. Soaking it all in. And my stomach was twisted into deep knots. "I need this time with you God. Please don't let this happen now." I turned my music up as loud as it would go. Block it out. Block it out. Focus on God. "Annie, turn off your music and listen." NO! I'm being selfish with my time. I NEED this time with you. Don't make me do this.

I turned my phone off and just started to pray. I couldn't read one word, so there was no way to continue. My heart was pounding and my stomach was sickly twisted. I prayed for God to confuse this mans speech. Distract him Lord. Close this girls ears and don't let her hear him speaking. Do something Lord just make it stop. "Speak Annie. You stop him from speaking" Excuse me WHAT? No Lord. Please no Lord. What would I even say? I cant fight that. "Annie, he's speaking of the stars, but I made the starts. Tell him to stop and tell her this man is lying." My heart was beating so hard in my chest and my face was so beat red that I don't know how someone didn't notice. I got angry. God, there are two believers on the other side of me. Make them speak. Can they not hear this? How are they not this affected? "Don't wait for someone else to do what I've called you to do. I moved her, remember. I placed you here. At this time. For this moment."

I was frozen with fear. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. And I watched this young girl get up and thank him and ask to meet with him again. And I watched her walk away. And I wanted to die. The moment had passed and I did nothing while evil sat beside me. I had failed. I was not faithful to the One who has always been faithful to me. I wanted to get out as fast as I could and cry. I just wanted to break down and cry. Instead I jumped into the conversation with the women on the other side of me. I didn't even really care what they were talking about, I just needed to connect with someone. I must have sounded like the biggest idiot ever. I packed up and left.

I sat in my car and cried and cried and cried. I drove away to run some other errands and I called my husband. I told him what happened. He was so encouraging. "You know Annie, God will give you another chance." Even though I know its not what he meant, I turned my car around and drove back to Starbucks. I'm not sure what I expected to find. But when I walked in ... she was there. "Speak Lord. My words may fail." I walked up and said, "I know this is going to sound crazy. I was sitting beside you earlier and I was trying very hard not to listen to your conversation but I couldn't help but overhear. I feel like God wants me to tell you that everything that man said to you was a lie. What you are looking for, that man does not have the answers to. God wants you to know that He loves you and is the only one who can give the peace you are looking for. He's the only one who can give the assurance for the future that you seek. Please do not meet with that man again. If you'd like to talk about it more, I'd love to talk to you." I gave her my number and my email address. She smiled and thanked me.

I walked out to my car and wept. And then I went to pick my daughter up from school.