Not What I Once Was

Friday, November 15, 2013

About a year ago, while scrolling my Facebook feed, I saw and ecard. A sucker for all things ecard I stopped excited to see what new whit would be revealed to me. This one however, hit a nerve. It hit so close to the bone that I almost deleted the “friend” who had posted it and all those who had “liked” it. I shut my laptop and just cried. Over the next few days I tried to come up with some sort of reply. While this person didn’t tag me or put it on my timeline and had no thought of me whatsoever, I felt a strong desire to reply. Not just reply but a rebuttal. I needed to stand up and stand my ground. With this awesome reply I was going to start a revolution. People would stand behind me and clap their hands in agreement. They would shout things like, “Amen Sister! Preach!” Those who posted and liked would feel shame and remorse and fall before me begging forgiveness.  But as the weeks went by and I couldn’t find the words I wanted to say, I just said nothing. My anger subsided, but the cut was deep. I can still feel it today just as strong; however today it feels different.
Yeap. That’s it. That’s the ecard that broke my heart. That day as I closed my laptop I was a bloody mess. I cried for a good hour. No exaggeration, I cried a deep soul cry.
When I read the bible, there is one woman that I identify with more closely than any other. Her story can be found in John 4. The woman at the well, She is my heroin. There are many great women of the bible. God has worked mightily in many lives. But this woman: I love her. When I read her story I feel what I believe she may have felt. I can feel the weight of. I can feel the heat of it. I can’t describe it to you in words. There are some things that have to be felt to be understood.
This woman walked to the well in the hottest part of the day. She came at a time she knew she wouldn’t run into any others. Do you know what that feels like? She was very aware of her sin. Not only did she know, others knew and bathed her in shame. She chose to carry the weight of an overwhelmingly heavy full ceramic water urn in brutal desert heat over carrying the shame she felt from other women.  Let me ask you again, do you know what that feels like?
This particular day recorded in John 4, she went to the well filled with shame and regret. She walked there heavy and broken hearted. She met Him. She met Jesus there. She was forever changed. You can’t meet Him and walk away the same. You can’t. I am not saying that everyone who meets Him will turn to Him, I’m saying that you don’t walk away the same.  So, this woman, who did all she could to avoid others, left her heavy jar at the well. She ran, not walked, ran to them all and begged them to come meet Him too. Did you see that? Meeting Him changed her in such a way that she let go of the weight of her sin, He took it from her, she then ran toward all she had been hiding from and proclaimed Him openly! Bravely! Come and meet HIM too!
Her story goes on to say, “Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, … So when the Samaritans came to him, they urged him to stay with them, and he stayed two days.  And because of his words many more became believers. They said to the woman, ‘We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world.’” (John 4: 39-42)

Amazing! I love this woman. I want to be just like her. And in order for me to be just like her, this ecard, the one that broke my heart, it has to be true. As hard as it is to think about, when you see my “God-Fearing Facebook updates” I hope that you do remember the “godless whore I was in high school.” Because without that knowledge it would be hard for you to see the power Jesus has to change a life. It would be difficult for you to understand how He can meet you right where you are, knee deep in the middle of muck, pick you up as broken as you are and set your feet on solid ground, clean you up and walk beside you head held high.

I don’t walk blameless because of anything that I’ve done; it’s all because of what He’s done. So I pray that as I continue to share my story here, as you read about my friends and their stories, you don’t just see us. I pray that you see a Savoir, a powerful Redeemer who has changed our lives and our stories. We are not what we once were. We are a new creation.


  1. ouch. i hadn't seen that e-card before but wow. how about my idolatry from yesterday? glad he covers that too! thanks for your transparency friend!

    1. I know right? So thankful for His grace that I live under daily!

  2. Admittedly, I laughed when I saw that e-card on Facebook. Then, I thought about how thankful that I am that so many of my friends have come to know the Lord. I know we didn't know each other that well in high school, but I thought you were very sweet and I would never have thought of you as a godless whore in high school. I was a Jesus follower in high school, but far from perfect or sinless. I had a really good and sinful time in college. It wasn't right in the eyes of the Lord but I wouldn't change it for anything. I learned so much from it. I trust God even more now.

    1. Thanks for the sweet words Lauren! That's the thing about sin, its personal. Some sin is public, you just cant hide it. Some sin is private, there are some things that bubble just under the surface that no one can see. I'm so thankful for the grace that God gives ... daily.


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