Jesus Christ and Him Crucified

Here is a little honestly for you. I've written this post four times and deleted each one. Why? Any time I try to make Jesus look good, I just sound stupid. It does not matter what I think about Jesus and if you're honest, you don't care what I think about Jesus. The things I think and say are meaningless compared to the truth of who He is and what He can do.

 

So here is the truth Friends. I was a girl raised in a home with believing parents. My Grandfather was a pastor, my Uncle is a pastor, my Cousin is a pastor. Thy did their best to teach me to Love God and Love Others. To say that I was raised around Jesus is an understatement. If the church doors were open, we were in them. I grew up knowing all the Sunday School answers. I can quote scripture to you. Bible Drill, I bet I could drop you every time! But I didn't meet Jesus until I was 18. Sound silly to you? It's not, and I'm not the only one.

 

 

 

Here is the thing Friends, I grew up in a generation that focused on moral issues rather than the transforming power of the gospel. I was taught to be good, respect my elders and give honor to my country. I was taught "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am." I'm part of the please and thank you generation. You treated each other the way you wanted to be treated. You don't steal, you don't lie, you don't do drugs or drink. And by glory, you saved yourself for marriage. You obeyed all the rules and you knew there would be consequences if you didn't. Are those things wrong? By No Means! Those are all good things. I want my own children to know and do them. The problem is, if that's what we're  focused on, we miss the entire reason we're doing them in the first place. Preach truth. Teach Jesus and those things will be the fruit of your salvation. They'll be put in their proper place and they'll make since.

 

I tried those things only until those things didn't bring me peace. I did all that I was taught Jesus wanted of me. But I was still hopeless and sad. So in my mind I tried Jesus and He didn't work. Truth: I never even met Him.

 

By the time I was 18 I was going my own way and I was as lost and hopeless as ever. Until the day I actually met Him. And when I did, it was because He finally opened my eyes to my own need for Him. When I heard truth for the first time, it was transforming and powerful. Jesus came not to condemn me, but to give me life. Life Everlasting.

 

If you don't know Him, the fact that you're even reading this is proof that He's drawing you to Him. He wants to do the same thing for you. Stop trying to be good before you come to Him. You can't. That's His job.

 

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.

John 3:16-21

 

Truth Friends. It will set you free. And those who Christ sets free, you are free indeed.

 

 

Breathe in Grace & Breathe out Praise: The Importance of Breath in Yoga

Its Tuesday morning. I woke up early to pray and prepare for my 10am yoga class.

Outside it is foggy and damp from yesterdays rain.

Today is the second day of spring break and my kids are full of energy and literally jumping from couch to couch singing the song from "Frozen" at the top of their lungs.

 It's 6:23am.

 

Maybe you've been practicing for years or you've never stepped foot on a mat in your life. Either way, this journey starts the same for each of us. Each class starts in a comfortable position focused on your breath. For some, this can be really frustrating because all you want to do is jump into asana. I watch my classes, and in every single one, there are two points where we collectively struggle. It does not matter if its a slow grounding class or if I'm really pushing my yogis, the beginning focus on breathing and the end savasana. We just can't sit still. Our minds wander and our breathing is all over the place and our asana suffers. By forgoing these two important parts of practice, we are sacrificing the thing we want most without even realizing it.

 

What is it that brings you to your mat? Why do you practice?

Listening to a class by Brooke Boon, the founder of Holy Yoga, she said something along the lines of, "Did you know that design of classic yoga is to tire out the mind and body for meditation." Friends, this sums up practice for me. I step on my mat to draw close to my creator.

 

 

 

I can not meditate on God's word without a clear mind. I can not listen to Him until I drown out all the other voices, to do lists and worries that crowd my thoughts. I must, before I move in praise, draw near and place those things in His hands. It's only then I can begin to appreciate my freedom in Christ enough to move in worship and praise. That time that's set aside at the beginning of each class, it's purposeful. Don't rush through it. Each breath is a gift from God. We get to choose what we do with each one.

 

Do a quick Google search and you'll find that learning to control and lengthen your breath can help with reducing stress and anxiety; promote restful sleep; ease pain; increase attention and focus; and help you connect to a calm, quiet place so you can experience greater clarity and well-being. But why do you think breath does that? Because that's the way God designed the body.

 

We are created beings who long to connect to our Creator. That's what yoga does for me. I step on my mat and take a moment to relax and breathe. I place all my distractions at His feet because He can take care of each one. As I breathe, I turn my focus on Him, because we never practice with an empty mind, but with a focused mind and heart. I meditate on His words, His promises. I breathe in His all sufficient grace. And I have no choice but to breathe out His praise.

 

 

 

He is With Me

In my life, much like yours, I wear many hats. I am a daughter of the One True King! I am wife to Jamie, mom to my kids, daughter, sister and friend. I'm a yoga instructor. I'm a Life Group leader at church. The list could go on, but you get the idea. You've got your own list.

In this life I get to switch between hats quickly and sometimes wear several at the same time. It's a balancing act at best. It can be overwhelming and down right frightful ... until I am reminded that I am not doing this alone. Oh, I can do it alone if I want to. I have and have failed miserably! I fall flat on my face every time. I can become proud and self-righteous. I surely don't need help there.

Friends, God gives us all that we need in His word. I have to learn this over and over and over. In all the hats I wear, why do I feel like one hat requires less instruction than another? In my role as wife, I can turn to scripture and find the perfect instruction. In my role as mother, it's my responsibility to win my child's heart for Christ. Everything else will fall into place if their tender hearts long for His glory early in life. And on and on in each situation with each hat he's given me to wear, there is already perfect instruction if I'll only look for it, ask for it and seek it out! God's word is alive and active, the bible tells us that in Hebrews 4:12. He speaks to me through His word if I let Him.

Here is were things get sticky for me. I can learn and I can study and I can meditate day and night. But then I have to get up and actually do the thing. That for me is where the fear comes in. What if I get it wrong? What if no one cares? What if ... what if ... what if ...

Friends, here is the beauty of it all. I am not alone. He is with me wherever I go. He is there to strengthen me and give me courage. If I'm faithful to meditate on His word. If I'm faithful to follow where He leads, there is no need for fear. I can not teach what I do not know, so the first step is to root myself in His word so that in times of trouble I can know what I need to know because it's already in my heart. When I'm speaking to my husband, when my kids are testing my last resolve, when my sister needs prayer, when my friend needs encouragement ... He is with me.

He wants to be there for you too. Will you let Him?

Play it Again, April

Hey Friends! Welcome to SPRING!! I hope that you are digging out from under the melting snow and stretching your dry and tired bones.

 

This month we get to celebrate Easter. We're going to take the opportunity to sit and rest and marvel at Amazing Grace. As we sit, we breathe. So we'll be talking about breath and the importance of breath in practice. We'll also be talking about Jesus and how His coming turned everything upside down. So, yes, we'll also be talking about inversions.

 

But for now, here is the music. Before we unroll our mats, take a moment and grab a cup of coffee. Grab your bible. Grab your music player and sit, listen and breathe Him in. He's waiting for you.

 

Enjoy!

 

 

The Great Disconnect

I’m getting myself back together. I feel like January hit me like a train and has drug me straight into March. Are you kidding me? Can it be March already? In a town where “winter” means temps in the 50s, this year we’ve had temps in the teens, snow, an epic ice storm and an earth quake. All of these events happened in the dark, and by that I mean, we lost power … a lot. We spent many a night by the fire.  Kids have been out of school more than usual. (Not to mention the husband has been home too!) Needless to say, my safe schedule that keeps me sane has been thrown for a loop. But life is still moving. God is still working. And I feel like I’m trying to catch up.

Having said all that, my blog has been the one to suffer.  I mean, I can’t write or post if the power is out, right? Honestly, as much as I’d like to blame all of the above, it’s me. I’m still trying to figure out why I’m here. But rest assured, although I haven’t been posting, I’ve been working. I’ve been researching and I’ve been planning. So, today, I’m going to give you a peak at my attempt to organize my life.

If you have ever sat across from me and tried to plan anything, you’ll see me drag out my extra-large Moleskine weekly planner. Why in a world of electronic organization do I still carry a planner? I’m a pen and paper girl. I like to see everything right in front of me. I like to check off my lists and see a big page of scratching and feel like I’ve accomplished something. And I don't like to worry about hitting the wrong button and loosing all my hard work.

 

 

So Friends, here is a list of what I've learned about myself and why I'm addicted to Moleskine Notebooks.

1. I have to have everything written down. If it's not written down where I can see it, it does not get done. Period.

2. I can not have a "fancy" planner. If it's too pretty, I feel like I'm going to mess it up and I never write in it. If I don't use it, its useless right?

3. If I see an entire months worth of appointments, I get overwhelmed and shut the planner. I can only handle one week at a time.

4. I need lots of space for a list of everything that needs to be done. I can't use categories. I'll spend too much time trying to break my tasks into categories that I never actually get around to doing them. (Ask my husband)

5. It has to lay flat, but it CAN NOT be spiral bound or in a binder that can open. I abuse my planner. It goes where I go. Spiral planners come undone and tear apart.

5. I am also slightly addicted to Post-It notes. I have recently learned how to print on them!

Coming to this realization: The 12 Month Weekly Notebook Diary/Planner works best for me. It's a bound notebook that lays flat, has one week per page and a lined "notes" page per week. The soft cover is flexible enough that can take a beating and the paper is thick enough that my pens down bleed through!! I AM SOLD!

I write any day specific plans on the left side. I keep a running list of things that need to be done that week on the right side. I've printed out a small "quick month view" and taped it to the top. I printed a "day specific" Cleaning List on a Post-It. I use the Post-Its for anything that regularly repeat so that I don't have to rewrite each week. So far, this system has worked for me for the past two years. I absolutely love it!

Moleskine also makes great journals. Because of all the reasons I listed above, I also have several Moleskine journals. They are just so easy to use and easy to carry around. If you haven't used them before, I can testify that its worth the cost. They are not cheap, but the durability and ease of use are worth it.  I use one as a prayer journal. I use the other as a place to put ideas. You know, sometimes and idea comes to you and you have to write. I don't carry around my laptop, but I always have my Moleskine!

So Friends, I'm getting myself together. I'm getting my family, my yoga practice and my blog organized. I'm learning how to keep all the things that are important to me in my life. And in my life in such a way that does not completely overwhelm me. Starting in April, I should have a regular schedule down for the blog. I should be posting at least 2 times a week. That is my goal. I'll be posting about yoga and food and faith. Those things make up my life, they make up my family.

I plan to post weekly about yoga, poses and techniques and why its beneficial. I plan to post about food, what we're eating and why. But most importantly I plan to post about what God is teaching me. I hope that you'll join me, because I'd love to hear about your life too. Remember Friends, its all about conversation.

See Ya Soon!

When He speaks

It was one of those days where I just needed to be with the Lord. I wanted to open His word, take a deep breath and root deep. I needed to feel him as father and teacher. I dropped the kids off at school and ran straight to Starbucks. I had no idea that God had bigger plans. A divine appointment.

I walked into Starbucks and it was rockin. I said a quick prayer asking God to open a seat for me. I ordered my coffee and as I turned around a table opened up. I walked close and the woman sitting at the next table jumped over, "Sorry, I'm meeting a friend and this one has two seats." "No worries, I just need one, have at it!" I sat down at the table she had just vacated and thanked the Lord for his provision. Bible and notebook: check. Coffee and Danish: check. Colored pens and phone on silent: check. Lets do this. By this time, the woman's friend had arrived and they had begun a very deep and personal conversation. Trying not to eavesdrop or be distracted, I pulled out my headphones and started to scroll through music to listen to. Before I hit play, the friend said something that really resonated with me. Something along the lines of, "When God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, it wasn't to prove to God that Abraham would be faithful. God already knew he would be. It was to prove to Abraham that he would be faithful to God."(If you don't know this story, read it in Genesis 22) Don't get distracted Annie. I hit play just as a man in a suit and a young girl sat down at the table on the other side of me.

Revelation 4. Beth Moore asked me to draw out every detail of the Throne Room of God. I wonder if this is what she had in mind?

This, obviously, does not do it justice. Please stop and go read Revelation 4. See Him sitting on the throne. See the 24 elders and the 4 beasts. See the bow and the lighting surrounding the throne. Hear the thunder and the singing as they cast their crowns as His feet. See the crystal sea and the 7 lampstands. Close your eyes and feel it. Let Hebrews 4:16 fall on you, "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." In light of Revelation 4, how does the invitation to approach the Throne of God with confidence affect you? I answered that question this way: "The Throne of God is not weak. It's full of power. The things we ask of Him are not too big. Have faith in your Creator. What you ask He can do."

No sooner had the pen left paper when my mind went blank and my stomach started to twist. My heart started to race and I could feel the presence of evil. If you don't know what that feels like, thank God. If you do, then you know what I mean. I couldn't move. I prayed for God to remove the distraction. "Turn off your music Annie and listen." I turned down my music. On one side of me where two women. Deep personal conversation. Very obviously believers. On the other side, his voice sounded like fingernails on a chalkboard. Even thinking about it now brings chills. Every word out of his mouth reeked of evil. And the girl, she was eating it up. Soaking it all in. And my stomach was twisted into deep knots. "I need this time with you God. Please don't let this happen now." I turned my music up as loud as it would go. Block it out. Block it out. Focus on God. "Annie, turn off your music and listen." NO! I'm being selfish with my time. I NEED this time with you. Don't make me do this.

I turned my phone off and just started to pray. I couldn't read one word, so there was no way to continue. My heart was pounding and my stomach was sickly twisted. I prayed for God to confuse this mans speech. Distract him Lord. Close this girls ears and don't let her hear him speaking. Do something Lord just make it stop. "Speak Annie. You stop him from speaking" Excuse me WHAT? No Lord. Please no Lord. What would I even say? I cant fight that. "Annie, he's speaking of the stars, but I made the starts. Tell him to stop and tell her this man is lying." My heart was beating so hard in my chest and my face was so beat red that I don't know how someone didn't notice. I got angry. God, there are two believers on the other side of me. Make them speak. Can they not hear this? How are they not this affected? "Don't wait for someone else to do what I've called you to do. I moved her, remember. I placed you here. At this time. For this moment."

I was frozen with fear. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. And I watched this young girl get up and thank him and ask to meet with him again. And I watched her walk away. And I wanted to die. The moment had passed and I did nothing while evil sat beside me. I had failed. I was not faithful to the One who has always been faithful to me. I wanted to get out as fast as I could and cry. I just wanted to break down and cry. Instead I jumped into the conversation with the women on the other side of me. I didn't even really care what they were talking about, I just needed to connect with someone. I must have sounded like the biggest idiot ever. I packed up and left.

I sat in my car and cried and cried and cried. I drove away to run some other errands and I called my husband. I told him what happened. He was so encouraging. "You know Annie, God will give you another chance." Even though I know its not what he meant, I turned my car around and drove back to Starbucks. I'm not sure what I expected to find. But when I walked in ... she was there. "Speak Lord. My words may fail." I walked up and said, "I know this is going to sound crazy. I was sitting beside you earlier and I was trying very hard not to listen to your conversation but I couldn't help but overhear. I feel like God wants me to tell you that everything that man said to you was a lie. What you are looking for, that man does not have the answers to. God wants you to know that He loves you and is the only one who can give the peace you are looking for. He's the only one who can give the assurance for the future that you seek. Please do not meet with that man again. If you'd like to talk about it more, I'd love to talk to you." I gave her my number and my email address. She smiled and thanked me.

I walked out to my car and wept. And then I went to pick my daughter up from school.

Your Sovereign Hand Will be My Guide

 

Have you ever stopped and looked at your life backwards? Have you ever, good or bad, looked at your life and wondered how you got to where you are? I’ve been doing that recently and I have to tell you, my life does not even have a shimmer of what I thought I would be doing. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

Walk with me, will you, back to 2002. January: I was in school for Early Childhood Education. My life was pretty planned out. February: I started dating this really cute guy. April: I took a trip to WV to meet his family. It was then that I knew he would be the one. You know, THE ONE. I didn’t tell him yet, I wasn’t sure he could handle it. September: He figured it out. HE asked ME to be his wife. November: Thanksgiving with my soon-to-be family. Snow. WONDERFUL! December: First Christmas together. Step into 2003. March: There was a wedding march this month. It was beautiful. It was Holy Ground. We were young and silly. We had no clue. But we were in love. I left school and started working full time. Skip Forward to June 2008. Two became Three. Brewer was born. I started working part time. Skip forward to April 2010. The Girl was born. What would our life be like without our Eva? I stopped working all together. (I mean for money that is) Skip forward to January 2012. Living in a small, but comfy, 3 bedroom house as a family of 4 and an adult family member living with us for a few months. Mama takes a trip, a much needed time away.  As wonderful as my life was at this point, I could have never imagined how this weekend trip would change my life.

My dear friend invited me to go on the Women’s Ministry Retreat from her mother’s church. Normally this is the kind of thing I would turn down without even a second thought. It’s just not my cup of tea. However, this time, I said yes. Somewhere along the way I had lost myself. I had a plan. I was in school. I was going to be a teacher. But instead I got married. I quit school.  I had kids and I stopped working. My life had veered so far away from the plan that I couldn’t figure out where I was. Not that any of those things were wrong. I just didn’t know who I was anymore.  I was floundering and frustrated and crying out to God to show me the way. I had two small children. Finding time to sleep, let alone read my bible, was a challenge. I was weary. And I needed more than rest. I needed a revival.

Day two of the retreat we were giving a very well written out devotional to do. They sent us out to find a place to rest, read and reflect. I took my bible eager to get into His word. I walked out onto the dock and took a seat. I couldn’t do it. My mind was so restless and I couldn’t concentrate. I cried. I cried hard. Please don’t take this time from me. I put down my bible and that sweet devotion and I prayed. I cried out to God and said, “I can’t do this. I can’t even focus. I need you to speak to me. I need to you speak to the depths of my soul. Please.” I took out my MP3 player, set it on random and hit play. The very first song that came on, I kid you not, was Otis Redding, “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay” Yes Lord, You have my attention.

So over the next 30 minutes or so, I sat and listened as God spoke to me through a perfectly timed playlist that I thought were random songs. He said, “Annie, You’ve been sitting here long enough and wasting too much time. Look down and tell me what you see.” I saw the marsh. I was sitting on a dock over the marsh at low tide. “Now look up and tell me what you see.” I saw the ocean and its rolling waves. “Annie, you’ve been here in the mud before. I picked you up and brought you out into the ocean deep. You know what it feels like out there in the rolling waves of grace. You know the peace of riding out the storm with me. But I’ve brought you back into the muck. I’ve brought you back not to hurt you but for you to feel it. You’ve forgotten what this feels like. There are others, Annie, who are stuck here. Knee deep, just like you were. I’ve brought you back in to take someone’s hand and show them the way out into the deep waters. You know the way because you’ve been there. And once you get out, let them go. I’m going to send you back in and you’re going to find someone else. And you’re going to show them the way. The Way the Truth and the Life. This will be a pattern for your life.”

O.M.G. Be careful what you ask for. When you ask God to speak, He will. So be prepared to hear what He has to say. Yes Lord, I heard you Father. What does that mean? What am I supposed to do? “Wait. That answer will come. Just keep listening.”

I returned home renewed and on my toes! About a month later the answer came in a way I never would have expected. At this point in my life I had been practicing yoga on and off for many years. A few months after Eva was born we joined the local Family Y. We joined because there was childcare and I could drop my children off, go to a yoga class, sit for a moment and breathe. This particular day my instructor came up to me after class. (This was not the first time she had mentioned this and all other times I had smiled sweetly and thanked her and called her crazy!) But this day she said, “Hey Annie, there is a Level 1 Instructor Training coming this May. It’s in town and I thought of you. You should really check it out and see about becoming a yoga instructor.” God spoke before I could and said, “That’s it. You’re going to teach Yoga.” I stood there stunned for a moment and said, “Ok, email me the info.”

I put the kids down for a nap and prayed. What in the world God? You’ve got to be kidding me. He spoke directly to my heart like he did sitting on that dock. “The community of yoga, it’s a very dark place. There are people searching for me but many don’t know it’s me they’re looking for. They call it peace, but I am the only giver of true peace. They call it harmony, but creation is only at harmony when it’s in tune with it’s Creator. They are looking for enlightenment; I am the giver of knowledge. I’m sending you in, Annie, to be a light in a dark place. Take their hands and lead them out of the muck and into grace. The rolling waves of my grace.”

This has been quite a journey. One I never saw myself on.  One that has made me trust more and dig deeper. I can not even begin to tell you all of the opportunities God has given me over the past two years. This journey, it’s only beginning. He’s calling me to something bigger than myself. But I’ll tell you more about that later. He is growing and stretching me. He’s teaching me to rely on Him every step of the way. Some days I’m running and some days I’m being dragged kicking and screaming. But I’m moving. Closer. Surrendered. And oh friend, if I could only tell you how … His grace abounds in deepest waters ...